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Morning Wisdom: Marriage is a vehicle for GROWTH

‘Honestly, love doesn’t usually show up in those first few weeks or months when everybody is on their best behavior. People talk about love at first sight, but love doesn’t come easily or fast. Love is a habit that we learn and grow into. Loving someone is about sacrifice and selflessness. True love will still be there after hair starts falling out or when the extra weight starts packing on. True love can survive the test of time because it is about seeing, serving, and choosing to uplift your spouse. Real love shines brightest when the lights are off.’

David Mann

Meditating on these words this morning. Got me appreciating the experience of marriage. It’s so damn hard, but it’s so fruitful! Besides owning a business, I can’t think of a faster way to grow.

Such a cliche verse often used at a wedding then put on the shelf and forgotten about. How many of us truly live it? What would the state of marriage be in if we did. Maybe better that 40-50% success rate? Maybe not? Why is the failure rate so high these days? Is it harder? Are we dealing with different problems?

Consider the possibility that marriage is extremely demanding and uncomfortable and it’s supposed to be. That is in fact is the beauty of marriage. It’s a vehicle designed to force growth. When You can’t get out (not supposed to be able to as originally intended) so you are faced with the choice of grow or die. It truly alters the decision making process. Our experiences inside of the vehicle of marriage both good and bad, shape and define our life.

In my opinion, There is no right or wrong way to do it. There is just your experience.

What do you want your experience to be? I don’t think anyone sets out thinking they want to commit to forever and then say fuck it I’m done. So why does it happen? What is the impact on those who choose to end it and go a different route? Even if you choose to end it, there is no judgement, the experience is still extremely valuable in your journey in this life.

Do you think meditating on and practicing the skills and habits of LOVE to get better at them just like we do any skill or habit, would improve the success percentage of marriage?

Do you think the false expectation that “true love” is a feeling and not a skill that needs developing is responsible for people choosing to call it quits when they reach and impass and assume that means they did something wrong instead of knowing that’s just part of the process?

I love my wife and try my ass off to be the best husband possible, yet I have failed her over and over and over again. Still she tolerates me and gives me another chance. How many men are not as lucky as me? Trying to figure it out but they run out of time and chances…

How many women have been married to a man that has no desire to change? And they hang on and sacrifice only to be kicked to the curb for another woman that will tolerate the bullshit they wouldn’t put up with.
How many bust their ass day in and day out, and their wives are unwilling to confront their own stories and can’t see their husbands in a positive light no matter what they do…. always focusing on the negative. You will get what you focus on. So the more they look for flaws the more they see them.
The sacrifice and growth must come from both sides.

My heart is for marriage.

My heart is for family.

This is why I do what I do. My vehicle is the gym. But that fitness vehicle just serves to strengthen the person to help them win at what matters, their life. The relationships with their spouse and kids.

When we help someone find their way back to fitness, we help them lead themself. When they start to lead themself and love themself, then they can be a better spouse and parent. Everyone wins.

Fitness is more than just having a 6 pack. Getting fit is more than just losing 20 pounds.

It’s life altering. It can be the start of changing everything.

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Morning Wisdom: The LIE of hard work

If I just keep grinding, I’ll eventually get there.

If only I was more disciplined.

I just need to work a little harder. A little longer. And things will turn around.

I workout so hard, why isn’t this weight coming off.

Doesn’t my wife see how hard I work, she should be happy.

God will reward me if I work hard and suffer.

Bull. Shit. Hard work is not the answer. Hard work is sedation and a way to hide behind the lies you have created that you are doing the required work to get the result you desire.

Hard work is a mask. It’s a trick. Those lies and stories I typed above sound a lot like things I have thought or said, and I’m sure you have too at some point in your life.

Now don’t get me wrong, hard work is a valuable part of the equation, but if you are a slave to working hard without setting the intention behind it, you could be running a mile in the wrong direction. And it doesn’t matter if you are sprinting while carrying an 80lb backpack just so everyone knows how tough you and and how hard you are working, if you don’t have a map, then you might as well be running in circles.

…if you are a slave to working hard without setting the intention behind it, you could be running a mile in the wrong direction

The road map. The coach. The guide.

So you are ready to bust your ass? What’s next?
Despite the picture I painted above, hard work is NOT a bad thing. Its just not the whole picture. So how do we prevent wasting our energy and resources and ending up with NO FRUIT at the end of the day. How do we prevent ending up burnt out, at the end of our rope, and giving up on our dream.

Well I’m glad you asked because I’ve been that guy. Super hard worker. But avoiding the required work. Until I woke up to the fact that I wasn’t just going to get where I wanted to be by accident. I needed directions. And I needed a map. I needed something to reference every single day so that I could figure out WHAT the required work was to get to my target, and I needed to create a blueprint for getting there. And I needed to change my pace of life so that I created TIME and MARGIN to check the damn map every day and make sure I was still on course.

See it sounds simple but I would
Create a beautiful map and then I would put it in my backpack and I would load up my 80lbs of gear and I would take off sprinting.

“Let’s go! 😤 I just got a vision from God! This is my calling. This is what I’m supposed to be doing!”

And then I would run around in circles as fast as a could with my head down. Praying and hoping and wondering why the heck I wasn’t any closer to my target. So I might stop and regroup and then start running again. Maybe this time in a different direction. Hoping. Praying. And still not taking the damn map i made out of my backpack.

See the required work might be simple. And it can be. But it is never easy. And by me conveniently keeping my map in my backpack and not in my face, it was easy to forget and avoid the exact steps I needed to take to reach my destination. So instead I got tired and frustrated and then I finally pulled the map back out and I felt like an idiot. It was right there in front of me the whole time.

See we all have the ability to create our own map. We just need a guide or a teacher to show us how to do it. But if we spend the money on the teacher and make a beautiful map, and we don’t stop to read it and take the steps it’s telling us to take, we will still never reach our destination.

So let me my pain and my investments be a lesson to you. You are not doing anything wrong. It’s just the simple truth that you haven’t been told.

You need a guide.

You need more than hard work.

Successful people pay for people to show them how to get a result. And then they do it. The do the work in front of them. They follow the map they have created.

That’s it.

  • Step 1. Find a guide that vibes with you and is already where you want to be.
  • Step 2. Create the blueprint to get where you want to go with their help.
  • Step 3. Follow the blueprint and Execute the plan. (Aka the hard work)

If you want help creating a blueprint for your life, so you can get off the hamster wheel, send me a message.

I’m currently taking on 3 personal coaching clients. For a 4 month coaching commitment. 30 days to learn the foundation. Fitness. Nutrition. Mindset. Accountability. And 90 days to create and execute the blueprint.

I’ve invested tens of thousands of dollars in coaching over the last 10 years, and have worked with hundreds of clients in the fitness space to help them achieve their fitness goals. But it was not enough. Something was missing.

This is what’s been missing.

Who cares if you have a six pack if you don’t have connection with your wife.

Who cares how skinny you are if you have no purpose, no connection to God.

Who cares how much money you made if you family falls apart and your kids don’t want to even see your face.

If you are someone like me who isn’t satisfied with success in one area, but you want it all. Then this is for you. Give yourself the gift of coaching and see how much you can accomplish in the last quarter of 2019.

Message me if interested and I’ll send you my link to schedule a 30min coaching call with you to see if you are a good fit.