Category: Family

‘Honestly, love doesn’t usually show up in those first few weeks or months when everybody is on their best behavior. People talk about love at first sight, but love doesn’t come easily or fast. Love is a habit that we learn and grow into. Loving someone is about sacrifice and selflessness. True love will still be there after hair starts falling out or when the extra weight starts packing on. True love can survive the test of time because it is about seeing, serving, and choosing to uplift your spouse. Real love shines brightest when the lights are off.’

David Mann

Meditating on these words this morning. Got me appreciating the experience of marriage. It’s so damn hard, but it’s so fruitful! Besides owning a business, I can’t think of a faster way to grow.

Such a cliche verse often used at a wedding then put on the shelf and forgotten about. How many of us truly live it? What would the state of marriage be in if we did. Maybe better that 40-50% success rate? Maybe not? Why is the failure rate so high these days? Is it harder? Are we dealing with different problems?

Consider the possibility that marriage is extremely demanding and uncomfortable and it’s supposed to be. That is in fact is the beauty of marriage. It’s a vehicle designed to force growth. When You can’t get out (not supposed to be able to as originally intended) so you are faced with the choice of grow or die. It truly alters the decision making process. Our experiences inside of the vehicle of marriage both good and bad, shape and define our life.

In my opinion, There is no right or wrong way to do it. There is just your experience.

What do you want your experience to be? I don’t think anyone sets out thinking they want to commit to forever and then say fuck it I’m done. So why does it happen? What is the impact on those who choose to end it and go a different route? Even if you choose to end it, there is no judgement, the experience is still extremely valuable in your journey in this life.

Do you think meditating on and practicing the skills and habits of LOVE to get better at them just like we do any skill or habit, would improve the success percentage of marriage?

Do you think the false expectation that “true love” is a feeling and not a skill that needs developing is responsible for people choosing to call it quits when they reach and impass and assume that means they did something wrong instead of knowing that’s just part of the process?

I love my wife and try my ass off to be the best husband possible, yet I have failed her over and over and over again. Still she tolerates me and gives me another chance. How many men are not as lucky as me? Trying to figure it out but they run out of time and chances…

How many women have been married to a man that has no desire to change? And they hang on and sacrifice only to be kicked to the curb for another woman that will tolerate the bullshit they wouldn’t put up with.
How many bust their ass day in and day out, and their wives are unwilling to confront their own stories and can’t see their husbands in a positive light no matter what they do…. always focusing on the negative. You will get what you focus on. So the more they look for flaws the more they see them.
The sacrifice and growth must come from both sides.

My heart is for marriage.

My heart is for family.

This is why I do what I do. My vehicle is the gym. But that fitness vehicle just serves to strengthen the person to help them win at what matters, their life. The relationships with their spouse and kids.

When we help someone find their way back to fitness, we help them lead themself. When they start to lead themself and love themself, then they can be a better spouse and parent. Everyone wins.

Fitness is more than just having a 6 pack. Getting fit is more than just losing 20 pounds.

It’s life altering. It can be the start of changing everything.

In the last post, I talked about finding power.

I talked about digging deep for the times that your mind (aka the little devil on your shoulder) talks to you and tells you to sleep in, skip your wod, eat that junk, have that beer, that your not worth it, that you won’t hit your target anyway OR you need to workout 20x a week, you have to eat more, you are getting weak, you can’t skip that session… it truly goes both ways.

Today I said I would share mine.

I want to be healthy and fit to lead my family and my team and my tribe. That’s it.

It’s not unique but it is profound to ME.

I believe I am right where God wants me to be. I have a beautiful family with 4 other people that need their father/husband to be able to have the energy to go hard at work all day and come home and be present with them. To help with homework, to go to practices, and to wrestle around at night. I have a team that needs to see an example of fitness consistency and business consistency that they are proud to work for and know that if they follow down this path they are on, they will also be able to create a life they love. And I have athletes that come into my gym that need to see the possibility of transformation. That living a healthy lifestyle is not just possible, but a joy. They need to see what is possible when they join our community and how much their lives will change, and I am that beacon of hope for them.

It’s not about being the best exerciser. But I want to be.
It’s not about being the strongest. But I want to be.
It’s not about being the best looking. But I want to be.

See all these superficial PRIDE driven reasons don’t hold water when the rubber meets the road because at the end of the day, they are not truly my PURPOSE. They are not MY WHY. My why is to help others know Christ and live a life they love, and FITNESS is my vehicle. It is my gift. And when I get that twisted, fitness becomes my idol and it doesn’t work.

And this has been my struggle. The pride clouds things up. It causes confusion. Why I train drives how I train. I have been in the fitness industry for 10 years but I have been an athlete all my life. From birth I’ve been a competitor. And that competitor mindset is both a blessing and a curse, like most things in life. If I let it run me, then it dominates and things get out of balance. I spend too much time and energy on “winning” vs getting to my goals aka what I truly want.

So here is the deal: fitness can easily become an idol. And as a gym owner, professional fighter, college student, high school athlete, or busy Dad, the way fitness looks in my life can be completely different.

Goal: go to the Crossfit games. Not me.
Goal: deadlift 500. Not me.
Goal: run a marathon. Not me.
Goal: win the cold steel classic. Not me.

Goal: lead Crossfit resurgence into 2018 to have our best year yet and be at all my daughters gymnastics meets and sons lacrosse games. More like me
Goal: win at business, home, and achieve 5/7 Days fitness while eating diet that keeps me energized and healthy. Yes please.

And the complexity comes in the stories we tell ourself about what we should be doing or what our expectations are for ourself because those stories then create a frame for how we view success.

And the messed up thing is that we could be listening to that little voice in our head telling us to eat that or not eat this, or just skip that workout you don’t need it or you need to go workout because you are a pussy if you don’t…. and that little voice is not helping us move toward what we want in life currently. and the confusion created by that could prevent us from doing the required work to get to where we actually want to go right now.

Getting CLARITY is the key!

This is why the truth is so profound and so simple yet it wasn’t available to be because I was blinded.

So with clarity we can create a target. And with a target we can create a plan. And with plan we can take simple daily action steps toward that plan until we hit it. Simple. Yes. But not easy. The required work is never easy.

But with clarity we get a map. And with our purpose we get the guts to do the work.

And with a community we realize we are not alone and we have a tribe of people to lift us up along the journey when we feel like we can’t.

This my friends is the game.

It has no finish line. So find some people you like and get in the game with them.

POWER

I was talking to a friend yesterday about his Why. He had a good one. He didn’t want to be fat like his pops. He looked down the road into his future and he saw that if he kept going on that path, his future self was going to be sick, tired, broken down and he didn’t want that life. Every time the devil tried to tempt him, “this is too hard” or “just eat that cookie” or “you don’t need to go to the gym today” then he could picture his dad saying “why try so hard for this fitness thing, just be fat like your pops” and he realize the pain of making that choice and it would give him the Power to choose differently and choose the gym.

He developed a consistency that has given him amazing results. Because of his why.

What is it for you? What’s your pain, what’s your future self look like that if you became that dude or that girl, you would say oh hell naw that ain’t me! What triggers you so that you can write it down and keep it somewhere to read often. Keep it fresh is your mind. Because as soon as you forget, that’s when it doesn’t seem so bad to just take it easy today, just hit the snooze button… and that’s how simple it is to get going down that path to be fat like your pops.

I’m excited because talking about it with my friend Rob got me thinking about my why and I will share that with you tomorrow.

Have an amazing day. I love y’all.

Coach CK

“Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:8-11‬ ‭MSG‬‬
http://bible.com/97/1pe.5.8-11.msg