‘Honestly, love doesn’t usually show up in those first few weeks or months when everybody is on their best behavior. People talk about love at first sight, but love doesn’t come easily or fast. Love is a habit that we learn and grow into. Loving someone is about sacrifice and selflessness. True love will still be there after hair starts falling out or when the extra weight starts packing on. True love can survive the test of time because it is about seeing, serving, and choosing to uplift your spouse. Real love shines brightest when the lights are off.’
David Mann
Meditating on these words this morning. Got me appreciating the experience of marriage. It’s so damn hard, but it’s so fruitful! Besides owning a business, I can’t think of a faster way to grow.
Such a cliche verse often used at a wedding then put on the shelf and forgotten about. How many of us truly live it? What would the state of marriage be in if we did. Maybe better that 40-50% success rate? Maybe not? Why is the failure rate so high these days? Is it harder? Are we dealing with different problems?
Consider the possibility that marriage is extremely demanding and uncomfortable and it’s supposed to be. That is in fact is the beauty of marriage. It’s a vehicle designed to force growth. When You can’t get out (not supposed to be able to as originally intended) so you are faced with the choice of grow or die. It truly alters the decision making process. Our experiences inside of the vehicle of marriage both good and bad, shape and define our life.
In my opinion, There is no right or wrong way to do it. There is just your experience.
What do you want your experience to be? I don’t think anyone sets out thinking they want to commit to forever and then say fuck it I’m done. So why does it happen? What is the impact on those who choose to end it and go a different route? Even if you choose to end it, there is no judgement, the experience is still extremely valuable in your journey in this life.
Do you think meditating on and practicing the skills and habits of LOVE to get better at them just like we do any skill or habit, would improve the success percentage of marriage?
Do you think the false expectation that “true love” is a feeling and not a skill that needs developing is responsible for people choosing to call it quits when they reach and impass and assume that means they did something wrong instead of knowing that’s just part of the process?
I love my wife and try my ass off to be the best husband possible, yet I have failed her over and over and over again. Still she tolerates me and gives me another chance. How many men are not as lucky as me? Trying to figure it out but they run out of time and chances…
How many women have been married to a man that has no desire to change? And they hang on and sacrifice only to be kicked to the curb for another woman that will tolerate the bullshit they wouldn’t put up with.
How many bust their ass day in and day out, and their wives are unwilling to confront their own stories and can’t see their husbands in a positive light no matter what they do…. always focusing on the negative. You will get what you focus on. So the more they look for flaws the more they see them.
The sacrifice and growth must come from both sides.
My heart is for marriage.
My heart is for family.
This is why I do what I do. My vehicle is the gym. But that fitness vehicle just serves to strengthen the person to help them win at what matters, their life. The relationships with their spouse and kids.
When we help someone find their way back to fitness, we help them lead themself. When they start to lead themself and love themself, then they can be a better spouse and parent. Everyone wins.
Fitness is more than just having a 6 pack. Getting fit is more than just losing 20 pounds.
It’s life altering. It can be the start of changing everything.
